An Alternate Reality

January Darkness

As darkness falls on another January day,
I fade with the dimming of my eyes.

I seek rest, desire comfort,
but the darkness only numbs.

One bright thing, that’s all I require.
Just one joyful thought, but even that is elusive.

I can’t hide from the deepening shadows.
I can only look for a single spark to light my meager candle.

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Where are you now?

For Joanne on the death of her long time partner, Bill

Where are you now,
my love, my friend, my dear companion?

Where are you now,
without pain, without burden?

Where are you now,
in a fresh new existence?

Where are you now,
when I miss you so badly?

Where are you now,
besides here in my heart and memories forever?

My Favorite Childhood Place

I was 11 when Star Trek arrived on the TV screen. The characters and stories so captivated me that I created my own Star Trek world. I shared a room with my sister, and the window seat between the two built in dressers became my transporter. I would stand in that space and be beamed across the universe to a place and time where a smart, shy girl could fit in and feel special. I even made a communicator out of a blue jewelry box, a button, and a piece of my Dad’s calculator machine tape, which I carried in my purse for many years. (And that I still have it in a box somewhere, just in case!) So, I had my own grand space adventures with the crew, saving worlds and discovering new and amazing things.
My transporter carried me into a world of imagination that I still visit to this day. Star Trek, with its exploration, adventure, and social conscience is still, very much, the story of my life.

Live long, and prosper!

Sometimes

Sometimes I reach the breaking point
but I am never broken.

Sometimes I feel like I can’t stop
but I am always stopping.

Sometimes I feel so screamingly ugly
but there inside is beauty

Sometimes I feel like I could die
but somehow I keep living.

Dead Leaves

The trees shed their leaves
as part of nature’s plan.
The dead leaves enrich the soil
and snuff out the choking weeds,
paving the way for new growth in the spring.

But urban humans
have a different plan.
The dead leaves need to be
raked up and hauled away.
We can’t be reminded of death and decay.

When did we decide that groomed lawns
were better than wild flowers?
When did we start to assume that we could
change our fate by hiding the evidence.
When did we forget what dead leaves are for?

We need to cover ourselves in dead leaves,
letting that blanket connect us
to all we have lost.
We need to die and decay
and pave the way for our own new growth in the spring.

For the First Time

I see the same scene
outside my window
every day the same

The fence, the morning glories
the birds in the feeder
the brick house next door

My jaded eyes
see only sameness
nothing different, nothing new

Yet, even as I watch
even if I try not to see
everything changes

Those aren’t the same flowers
not the same migrating birds
not the same slowly weathering fence

Even the dust in the window is different
laying in changing patterns
drawn by the wind and the rain

And, despite my resistance
I have to admit that nothing
is ever the same at all – not even me

So, these stale feelings
this aged angst
is only an illusion

Each moment is different
allowing new insights
proposing new possibilities

So now, when I look out my window
will I be able to see that new world, every time,
for the first time?

I hope so.

One Brown Sock

Where do they go?
Nobody knows.
I think the dryer
feeds on clothes
and my brown socks.

I put two in
the other day
and somehow one
was whisked away
without a trace.

Did UFOs
slyly descend
to cart it off
before the end
of the fluff cycle?

Or maybe there’s
a deep black hole
where wet brown socks
and monsters go
when we’re not looking.

Alas, a mystery
it’s true
So now I’m wearing
one dark blue
and one brown sock.