These are colors on the dark side of the rainbow.
But, without the dark, we cannot appreciate the light.
Without some pain, we can’t feel the relief of healing.
Without some boredom and emptiness, we can’t know fulfillment and purpose.
Without some loneliness, we can’t comprehend the miracle of loving.
For each gray color on the dark side of the spectrum there is another color on the opposite side.
I long to touch the Sacred
to be moved by the Holy
to feel connected to the Divine.
But it’s not happening…
I do pray. I do sit.
I do plead and beg.
And then I do despair.
The only voice I hear is my own.
The only light that shines in my eyes is this electric lamp.
The only warmth in my heart is circulating blood.
So, should I conclude there is no Sacred,
no Holy, no Divine?
Or, just perhaps, I am looking at this all wrong…
Could it be that my voice, my eyes, my blood,
are actually the miracles, the connections to Creation
that I have been aching for?
Could it be that the Divine has been here all the time…
“A long time forgotten, the dreams that just fell by the way.
The good life he promised, ain’t what she’s living today.” *
Indeed! Life sometimes just seems to be one disappointment after another.
“You got to have a dream. If you don’t have a dream, how you gonna have a dream come true?” **
Maybe that’s my problem. You’ve got to have a dream for it to come true.
Do I have a dream?
* “Good Hearted Woman”, by Waylon Jennings and Willie Nelson
** “Happy Talk”, Rodgers and Hammerstein musical South Pacific
So many mysteries.
So many unknowns.
So much we only see darkly,
in a fog.
Do we really know how the universe works?
What if we have made a single wrong assumption?
Would all of our science fold in on itself
like a tower of cards or a gaping black hole?
Still, we search and we wonder and we experiment,
writing equations to explain
what our gut tells us
we can never really know.
And if we did find the answers,
would they scare us? drive us mad?
like eating fruit from the forbidden tree
or gazing on the face of God…
I want something new, this New Year-
I want to be something new, this New Year-
to be something different.
I want less guilt, less angst, less worry,
more joy, more creativity, more wonder.
I want clean winter snow to freeze my faults
and cover my failures.
I want the dead leaves under the snow
to nourish a new life, come spring.