To Carry On

If “each man’s death diminishes me”
I must be a spec.

I have been “witness” to too many deaths
this past year.

Is it my aging,
or the inevitable progression of time?

There have been renewals as well,
Great grandbabies born,

Childrens’ children with the energy and ability
to struggle onward where mine have failed.

But, this circle of life seems more and more
like a spiral of death…

A peaceful river with swirling rapids
suddenly tumbling into a waterfall.

I have never been here before
and it scares me.

I have no guide, having never seen
fear in my parents or grandparents.

Maybe they hid it well, or else
I never understood,

But, here I am, frantically paddling in the river,
grasping for the grace and dignity

that will carry me on.

Haiku Wisdom

On death and dying:
Death is on its way
Nothing to be done for now
Except to let it

On Cemeteries:
Planted in the ground
Just like colorful tulips
Lives that once had been

 

 

Of Deaths and Funerals and Memorial Services

It’s all around, in my face
this death and loss.

Why didn’t I notice it before?
Why is it so crushing now?

I see different ways I can cope.

Either everything becomes pointless,
or everything becomes precious.

It’s up to me to decide which.
So, I choose…

It Came in a Small Box

The box was much smaller than I expected.
And plainer, no decoration, no sparkling wrapper.
I stared at it as it sat on the table.
That small box surprised me.

Could everything really have fit?
All the memories?
All the love and disappointment and concern?
And yet, I couldn’t deny it.

I ran my hands over the smooth sides.
Should I open it? Could I?
I took a deep breath.
I could do this. I would…

Such a small box
And this is all that was left
of a life so big,
of a story so bold. 

I looked inside
at the plastic bag
at the remains of what had been
and would be no more.

 My mother’s ashes…

To Live Again

I laugh
I cry
I grieve
I hurt
Someday, perhaps, I’ll live again.

I mourn
I remember
I miss
I smile
Someday, perhaps, I’ll live again.

This hole will fill
This heart will heal
This pain will end
New joy will come
And then, perhaps, she’ll live again.